Manic-Normal

I've noticed, evidenced by the last post, that I have the capability to elevate my mood to a mania...and quickly. Being part of my personalty, I accept it, but I definitely realize its ramifications if not recognized and balanced with some type of in-the-moment analysis.

I've finished the book "the game" and did some online research. It basically breaks down to this, if you don't have the confidence in yourself, you will not be able to approach women, period. All of these strategies to seduce women, etc are based on the fact that the seducer (lonely man) now has some secret weapon that will allow him to "be interesting" around women at a given time/location. This is the placebo affect in action, if you believe you have less a chance of failure you will then take more chances. Its not the damn magic spell you cast on a women, its the confidence you gain to actually do more then stare at her as she walks by.

Knowing that I have some hesitations with approach, and would like to know more about the human psychological process in in regards to interacting with opposite sex, I will invest the next couple of weeks into doing some research and applying the skills I see necessary, but in my opinion, the best way to gain more confidence is get rejected countless times (hundreds) and lose the fear of the approach.

FYI: Considering dating classes range in the thousands of dollars (crazy, i know) do this shit yourself by working on your confidence, going to the gym, taking some speech classes, and growing a pair (easier said then done).

Cross Roads

As my stomach turned, yearning to finish devouring the pages of "The Game," I soon realized that this book has the potential to change the course of ones life.

We all share one commonality, we have some type of foundation which we base our opinions, judgements, and decisions on. This foundation, being formed from various aspects such as the impact of our environment, peer group, family and friends, has become the identity we rely on to face the world. Any threat to this identity is compartmentalized by justifying your current set of morals/values because they are all you know.

"We need a foundation to base our life upon...I couldn't imagine myself just floating through life with nowhere to rest my mental baggage," he said, while lacing his climbing shoes. "True," but I had a burning internal desire to disagree, I could form a new identity, and I use the term identity loosely.

I've never been one to show emotion, at least outwardly, but this has created a cognitive dissonance greater then I have ever had to deal with in my life, almost bringing me to tears.  I honestly immensely fear the impact this book can have on me. Since my youth, not being one to brag about my skill with the ladies, I forced myself to believe I was above these "popular" girls. I developed a personality of protection and made decisions that only served to bolster that.

Chastity, was my armor against these oncoming hoards that gave me no attention, these platoons of individuals to be envied, these popular people. I'm better then them, I told myself, I wasn't going to have sex because I didn't want to. Fuck that, I did, and I wanted to but I couldn't. It was my protection that lasted until my late teenage years, but remnants still hold true, refusing to tear off as I start accelerating through life.

I don't sleep around, I value a woman, and I'm looking for a lasting relationship, or at least that's what I tell myself. The desires of human nature escape no-one, I still face the sexual desires that every man does, and still marvel at stories of friends that have slept with countless women, but that's not me.

Do I
Do I
Do I

Do I want to change my moral foundation?

When one pulls the veil from the social programming that has constrained us since youth, we have a decision to make. Either accept and justify our programming and continue with our banal existence, or recognize the obstacle and take the necessary steps to obliterate it.

On a positive note, reflecting on the authors reinvention of his life, which took the sum total of about one year, it is amazing to contemplate the possibilities for change in any area of ones life in such a short period of time.

Question: If you were given a peak into a way of life, envied by others, including yourself, would you take the steps to embrace it or justify your current existence and make no attempt at change.

That my friends, is my mental flow.

My two cents about emails

Just a point of consideration, and since it's bothering me so much that I decided to write about it after midnight, its damn important.

I'm damn tired of responding to an email stating, "Sorry for the delayed response, I was..." The only implication one would one would receive from this type of response would be, I am too lazy to get back to you as soon as you send the message so I'm going to look at it in my inbox and do nothing for a few days, but at least I thought about answering it.

The world waits for no-one, (not even for someone who doesn't use hyphens properly), so answer your damn email on time when someone sends it to you.

Quarter Life Crisis - Part 1

I literally feel as though I am forcing myself to sit complacently as I imagine and almost materialize in my minds eye, images of travel, excitement, freedom, of my future. All this occurring while I slowly decay in front of my computer screen, accompanied the flickering light of a marvelous CFL blub as it fleetingly lights my keyboard.

When will I say I will wait no more?
When will I tell myself, now is the time to capture your dreams and stop justifying this stupendously banal existence?

Saturday night feaver and/or frostbite

Stepping out of the comfort of an old 4 door sedan onto the frozen tundra of a desolate college campus and despite some hindrances which included: the temperature being somewhere between freezing and frostbite, gale force winds, and a hint of snow, I managed to speak to 8 women.

 

To give you some context, my original goal was to speak to 20 women while walking around a sprawling college campus (avoiding the bars). So as not to mislead, for this exercise the term "speak" was defined as any form of conversation ranging from simply asking directions to flirty casual conversation. The intent of this exercise was to push the boundaries of my comfort zone and most importantly challenge the never ending supply of justification that seems to conveniently add a protective barrier to my lack of confidence in this area.
 
Moving on from this exercise and considering it a success, some important lessons have been learned.
1) Low temperatures, snow, and high winds will result in people doing everything possible to avoid being outside and will therefore leave little chance for conversation.
2) If you target demographic does not include a late night party animal/drinker than a college campus at midnight is the wrong place. Time to find a niche market.

Being that my Guess shoes which were purchased from Ross were obviously not specifically manufactured for walking long distances the soles of my feet was becoming a haven for hot spots waiting to erupt into painful blisters, I decided to walk back to my car which was conveniently parked about 10 long blocks away and go to a club. This club was advertised as the best house/dance club in Philly and apparently "members only," which was supposed to add to the mystique. My experience there was analogous to drinking wine; since I love grape juice and wine is made from grapes I will like it, which is similar in structure to, since I love to dance and the best dance club in Philly I will have a good time, WRONG. Lets just say, I never had a need to be intoxicated to dance and dance hard but that is apparently not the norm but the exception. Noticing that I was literally the only one who was not in possession of the status symbol we call a alcoholic beverage, I decided to leave.

That my friends, is how I spent my Saturday night.

Accomplishing with Personal Potential

One could argue, measuring yourself against others has its benefits and this omnipresent behavior is extremely prevalent in our society, especially in the male display of machismo.

When analyzing it on a micro level, delving into ones "conditioning" or learned responses, brings to light the nearly impenetrable bulwark created by society to shield the fashionistas, corporate trendsetters, etc. from any critique or criticism.

This observation slowly arise while I was watching a YouTube clip of a group of young adults who crossed a country in South America on longboards. These people were not famous nor seeking fame, at least to my knowledge as compared to long way round which almost relied on the star power of Ewan McGregor. The reality that was created, at least in my mind, was that without star power and a massive amount of sponsorship this awesome experience would not have been possible.

Coming to the powerful realization that once you set a limit on your self by looking to emulate the path of others you slowly erode the potential you possessed to successfully complete the initial task at hand in your own way dictated by your personality, etc.

Point of consideration: Follow your dream and look not at what others have done before or what could be done after you. If you see something you want to accomplish, make it your own and use your unique qualities to accomplish it.

Cleaning it out

Up until this day, oblivious to the fact that I had over 16,000 emails stagnating in my inbox, I decided to take action. After spending over 5 hours going through the emails in groups, I have but 15 emails in my inbox and a wealth of valuable lessons for the future.

My thoughts stem from the classic argument of nature v. nurture and its practical implications on our development. In the quest of moving through 6years of emails ranging from intimate conversations from past girlfriends, to the occasional "whats up" from an old friend, these emails represent the evolving state of my existence, a sort of portal into the past. Allowed to peer into the hypothetical pages of my life, which filled over 4GB of space on some server somewhere in the world,  lies a history of my development. 

Reading these emails it becomes apparent, at least to the writer, that these correspondents represent the various results of complex patters of though (some not soo much) with the impetus being whatever was deemed satisfactory at the time to create the justification or reason to perform the action. As the patterns of though were influenced by interpretations of past experiences and often times the immediacy of pain or pleasure, it becomes obvious that the multitude of experiences creates a bank of stored perspicacity for which to measure future desires/possible actions against. 

In the spirit of brevity, I will share but one lesson which was interpreted to be of the greatest importance.  

-Take time to reflect on the past and future alike but make sure to give thanks to both equally, for they had an equal part in creating the person you are today.-